i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
