the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
