My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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