Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
