nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
