If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
