New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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