my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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