just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
