I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
