just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
