i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
