I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
