we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
