dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
