i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
