I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
