Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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