girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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