You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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