toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
zippers are such a cool invention
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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