He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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