So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
