To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
