you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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