I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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