Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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