Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
