I can't watch pbs sober anymore
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize