New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Banned from zoo.
Again?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
