I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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