when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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