No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
