Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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