: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
