I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
