Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
