Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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