Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
