His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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