And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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