didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
