She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
