I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
