My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
