I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
