from now on my penis is your penis
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
