I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
