My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
