you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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