i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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